By Osita Ifezue
While writing this piece, I spoke to a childhood friend who left Nigeria about the same time I did. We grew up on the same street and attended the same primary and secondary schools in Lagos, Nigeria. The conversations brought back a few memories of growing up in Nigeria. While chatting, we spoke about some the people from our street, but many of the names he mentioned were unfamiliar. I pride myself on being good with faces and names, but going blank on people I grew up with shocked me. There is so much that we go through without observing or acknowledging it. Those who have lived a long time in a country other than their country of birth or culture, sometimes struggle with the challenges of identity or belonging. These are not on top of their priorities when migrating to a new country, yet they creep up insidiously to affect their sense of identity.
Growing up in Lagos was fun despite its many challenges. The conversation with my friend reminded me of how we hung out overlooking the red flaming firewood light of the woman frying Akara (Beancake) on the corner of our street. Those days shaped my identity and reminiscing on this as I hit the keyboard makes me smile.
But back to the reality of this article, I am coming to terms with the fact that I am not as Nigerian as I assume I am. Years of living in different countries have eroded my core Nigerianness. Acknowledging this identity reset helps deal with identity and a sense of belonging. I am embracing a new identity that anchors me to my roots and looks- I am African. I will talk about how this matches John Shotter research about the politics of identity.
People who have lived for extended periods abroad can feel a sense of missing the best of both worlds, often struggling to find the right balance. Part of them cling to their roots or core identity they left behind, and the other part tries to find their place in the new home. Finding a sense of belonging means finding the right balance. This raises question such as: How can balance be achieved? How does it impact parents and children? How are the family dynamics affected by these challenges?
Politics of Belonging and Identity
In the research paper titled Becoming Someone: Identity and Belonging, Professor John Shotter, highlights the question of identity and belonging is navigated by creating detailed time-space relations between ourselves and others. This process helps us create our unique selves; we become, and are ourselves, only in relation to others. These new unique selves require realizing the changing nature of time and space.
We often get stuck in our construct and narrative, griping past selves that our unique selves struggle to find space.
Understanding that time and space are evolving in relation to others will make us adaptable to the change. Being unadaptable creates a bubble and impacts a sense of belonging and invariably well-being. For example, my work in Entergrate has exposed me to this struggle among immigrants who get too stuck in the identity of their countries, and find it difficult to balance the realities of living abroad. When you find your space and integrate into your new home, therein lies the sense of belonging which kickstart the process of discovering a unique self-identity.
According to Shotter, the new ‘politics of identity’ defines our loyalties and commitments, when social identities are structured like a language, loyalties, and commitments are at stake. There is a shift in the politics of identity when one from an ethnic minority starts considering themselves black.
I find in my case that it accounts for the shift from my Nigerianess to an African identity. Many factors can impact this shift in an individual, for example, a sense of belonging, language, well-being, and racial discrimination.
In the article, Why Anti-Racism Is Not Working For Finland I spoke of how racial discrimination made me shift my identity from an ethnic minority to the politically correct identity of Black. Some research links the impacts of racial discrimination and well-being to this shift. The MoniSuomi survey established the link between a sense of belonging, discrimination, and impact on the well-being of immigrants. Kobena Mercer stated that identity becomes an issue when it is in crisis, when something assumed to be fixed, coherent, and stable is displaced by the experience of doubt and uncertainty.
Reconciling two identities can be an exhausting process with the nagging feeling of I don’t belong here. This can be triggered by a crisis of integration. Experience has shown that factors, such as being stuck in the wrong career, weather, language, or racism slow down the integration timeline. Institutions and policies play a part in the process as well.
Some immigrants find themselves bottled up in the bubble which prevents them from actualizing their unique selves.
The balance becomes harder to achieve when too much focus is on the time and space from the home country or embracing the new identity whilst forgetting the past identity. Individuals need to find the balance between the identity they left, and defining a new identity abroad.
As mentioned earlier, my reminiscing on life in the streets of Lagos helps anchor my core identity. Keeping such memories is good for my well-being, but being so absorbed in that life will prevent me from finding the right balance and hinder the discovery of my unique self in Finland. Similarly, those who have found a home in places away from their home country should look at how to achieve unique selves. Could there be ways to infuse some element of roots (food, language, cultural celebrations) into your new home?
Lessons I learned from moving to a new country:
- Be prepared for surprises. Your expectations are different from the realities
- Your identity will be tested keep it
- Keep trying your unique self (Identity)
- Join a community that helps with integration
Parenting Your Children’s Identity Abroad
In an episode, of Think About It! With Osita Ifezue, I spoke of two boys of African descent who were having a conversation in the library about the sense of belonging in Finland. The conversation highlighted the struggles of young people born to immigrant parents to form their unique selves. Even though they are wrapped in the shadow of their parent’s identity, they need to define their unique selves. When immigrants’ parents move to a new country they focus on integrating into society and often they don’t have the time or energy to help children with the process concurrently. Kids can notice the pressures, and try to unburden their parents by not sharing sensitive challenges, even crises they might be facing with identity. Without the right guidance, they struggle more than adults who can deal with crises better.
There are a lot of challenges involved in raising children as an immigrant. For example, the difference in culture and identity of the parents presents a different kind of stress for the children. Parents with strong cultural backgrounds may try to influence their children to have a certain identity. They often link this to the identity and experience they had before moving. As much as children need to establish a link with the identity of their parents, finding their unique selves will help their sense of belonging.
